Hmmm, so eight stitches and two days later I was thinking that the worst is over. Thankful to still have my thumb and reconsidering how sharp to keep the cutlery set in the future. You never realize what you got until you lose it...or find it temporarily incapacitated. I use that left thumb more than I thought, for things I didn't even realize. And without that thumb working the rest of the hand is kinda stupid.
But then today, with new painful sensations, I realized that maybe its not that easy. So I go back to see the doctor tomorrow with a tinge of concern over the tingling pain that is radiating along my ulnar and radial nerves, down my forearm and even on the other side of my palm...the feeling that I can't close my hand with the same grip strength. Did I do more damage that just a deep cut? The doctor didn't mention any of those possibilities and I certainly didn't bother to ask...thinking again, the worst is over once the bill is paid. But aside from the pain, which I did expect, there is that uneasiness that I might have done more damage than meets the eye.
And this is where it becomes a bigger concern than any other time. I don't have money for anything more serious than pulling these stitches out. There is no savings fund for repairing anything else...for a specialized surgical team to Superglue severed parts. And yet this left hand is still kinda important to me...and I don't exactly wish for the current sensations to linger past what my internal expectation is of 10 more days. Pull the stitches out and everything goes back to "go," right?
Did I screw up by walking away from a secure job that paid well? Or screw up by turning down a job that would have paid me double that, but required me to do everything I am now against? They always seem to fall back on that adage, "Well at least you have your health." But if anyone knows how fragile that is its me. And I've tucked that bit of time from the past deeply away...and maybe squandered some of what I learned during that life event. But its true...as long as you have your health you will be fine.
What they don't really emphasize is how absolutely critical of a variable health insurance is to that overall equation. I mean, I already knew this, but when you don't have it you try to tell yourself just not to do anything stupid and think positive. And I have been...but accidents are going to happen and things that would have broken eventually seem to break a little sooner. And knowing it is way different than living it...when you have always had it for the last 22 years not just for yourself, but the one you love.
Admittedly, this economic climate has me a little frustrated. My pride is more than bruised when I scan jobs that I would have never even considered applying for at 25, let alone 40. And now...its not even the salary or wage that concerns me, its the benefit package. Did I put not only myself in jeopardy, but also Shannon...and then risk my family's financial wealth too? I would never want them to spend all their cash fixing my wounded body should that occur, but then again I know I would do it for them and vice versa. So this decision I made to save my soul 17 months ago, was it worth the risks?
A simple laceration to a thumb has just made this whole job hunting expedition that more complicated, frustrating and critical. A state of mind, but then again...all you have is your health. Maybe I should add to my "list" that she is a doctor too...after all I am getting older. JK! Yes, I know that maybe its just healing...nerves reknitting causing little tingles...but there is that little "what if" voice inside my head whispering. Yeah, and I thought my only worry was infection...lol. Life is drama.
But then today, with new painful sensations, I realized that maybe its not that easy. So I go back to see the doctor tomorrow with a tinge of concern over the tingling pain that is radiating along my ulnar and radial nerves, down my forearm and even on the other side of my palm...the feeling that I can't close my hand with the same grip strength. Did I do more damage that just a deep cut? The doctor didn't mention any of those possibilities and I certainly didn't bother to ask...thinking again, the worst is over once the bill is paid. But aside from the pain, which I did expect, there is that uneasiness that I might have done more damage than meets the eye.
And this is where it becomes a bigger concern than any other time. I don't have money for anything more serious than pulling these stitches out. There is no savings fund for repairing anything else...for a specialized surgical team to Superglue severed parts. And yet this left hand is still kinda important to me...and I don't exactly wish for the current sensations to linger past what my internal expectation is of 10 more days. Pull the stitches out and everything goes back to "go," right?
Did I screw up by walking away from a secure job that paid well? Or screw up by turning down a job that would have paid me double that, but required me to do everything I am now against? They always seem to fall back on that adage, "Well at least you have your health." But if anyone knows how fragile that is its me. And I've tucked that bit of time from the past deeply away...and maybe squandered some of what I learned during that life event. But its true...as long as you have your health you will be fine.
What they don't really emphasize is how absolutely critical of a variable health insurance is to that overall equation. I mean, I already knew this, but when you don't have it you try to tell yourself just not to do anything stupid and think positive. And I have been...but accidents are going to happen and things that would have broken eventually seem to break a little sooner. And knowing it is way different than living it...when you have always had it for the last 22 years not just for yourself, but the one you love.
Admittedly, this economic climate has me a little frustrated. My pride is more than bruised when I scan jobs that I would have never even considered applying for at 25, let alone 40. And now...its not even the salary or wage that concerns me, its the benefit package. Did I put not only myself in jeopardy, but also Shannon...and then risk my family's financial wealth too? I would never want them to spend all their cash fixing my wounded body should that occur, but then again I know I would do it for them and vice versa. So this decision I made to save my soul 17 months ago, was it worth the risks?
A simple laceration to a thumb has just made this whole job hunting expedition that more complicated, frustrating and critical. A state of mind, but then again...all you have is your health. Maybe I should add to my "list" that she is a doctor too...after all I am getting older. JK! Yes, I know that maybe its just healing...nerves reknitting causing little tingles...but there is that little "what if" voice inside my head whispering. Yeah, and I thought my only worry was infection...lol. Life is drama.
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