Dishwasher Safe

So I am not quite sure how tonight's conversation at my grandmothers went from the Social Security Administration appeal process to dildos, but it did. I am not going to name names, but I am utterly appalled at what appears to be a general lack of sexual understanding and experimentation by several of tonight's panelists.

It appears that Oprah's show last week was dead on - most women and I assume men, may have a limited sense of what they are doing in bed...and perhaps what they do know they are just doing over & over because experimentation and/or variety doesn't seem to be commonplace. At least that was my take away.

Now I do not lay claim to being any all-knowing sexual diva, but I do know a few things about what happens between the sheets. And after tonight's conversation I am confident I know more than a few people - that should know more than me by now.

I think most lesbians make it a point to be well-versed in this area simply so they can satisfy their partners and because like other things, one must care for certain things in the absence of a man. Our culture nurtures women into believing only men handle certain things (repairs, house maintenance, penetration, etc) and that they cannot.

I'm not saying that there aren't some lesbians out there that don't need more practice in bed, but like all things that were once considered male-dominated, lesbians have had to master certain skills because they knew they couldn't depend on a man to do it for them. Self-reliance if you will. I bet there are more than a few gay girls out there that know more about cars than the average guy not because they desired to or had some innate calling to mechanics, but because they knew they were on their own. I think that carries over to a lot of things in a lesbian's life unless she has found a partner at a very "early" age that complements all her weaknesses with strengths.

But let's get back to dildos since that was where tonight's SSA conversation diverted to. I'll be honest dildos were always at the bottom of my list in terms of sex toys until relatively recently. They got bumped up when I experimented with the new glass and stainless versions. And girls, if you haven't tried it, then you need to give it a whirl...especially in light of tonight's discussion. Very revealing.

I like glass dildos for a host of reasons:

1. they can be chilled or heated - umm, try it before you rule it out
2. they are very beautiful compared to the old $15 made-in china plastic crap of the past
3. they are super smooth...and that makes a lot of difference compared to the old versions
4. match them with a nice lube and you better make sure your partner has a good grip on things
5. glass can be formed in various shapes and sizes (g-spot, nubbed, anal, twirlers, dbls, etc)
6. they are very sturdy - yes, I've dropped them off the bed on tile and they are fine
7. they have a nice weight to them
8. obviously they are hard...none of that silicone/jelly crap
9. no petroleum smell like silicone or jelly products
10. some come with bases for other "applications"
11. of all the toys they are probably they most exotic (especially the higher end ones)...and thus erotic
12. 100% recyclable
13. and lastly, they are easy to clean and dishwasher safe

Stainless steel is much the same albeit more expensive. .and you can't microwave it. Glass ranges from $25 to $300 a stick depending on your artistic flair and unconventional daring.

Now based off tonight's conversation it sounds like there are still some of those out there that are faking it? You're kidding me right? Number one rule in gay sexual relationships - there is no "faking it" because your partner has intimate first-hand experience with the parts.

But I guess the whole Meg Ryan thing still happens in hetero relations. I am not sure I understand how it can for anyone over the age of 30...or rather why it does. By then even men should know when a women is faking it...and I'll do you one better, by that age men should know how to make a woman orgasm every single time unless there is something emotionally or hormonally off with her. Yes ladies, every single time...and if that is not happening, then you need to figure out if its you or him...both can be fixed.

But what shocked me this evening was hearing that my unnamed panelists do (or have) not experienced a blended orgasm more than 25% of the time. That means someone is very confused, not talking to their partner, completely repulsed by their partner or an absolute ass for not making sure she is being taken care of. By the age of 30 haven't most men developed some stamina? They can't all be the 2-3 minute men of my youth still can they? I have no experience with 30 plus guys...that little experiment ended many many moons ago.

What I was told tonight is that men go from zero to 60 so quickly and are so into their own orgasmic feelings that they can't tell when their partner comes. Huh? The only way I believe that is possible is if his cock is never in her at that time...not once in his whole sexual career. So unless everyone's man is doing the porn star pull out, then how can the guy not know whether she had an orgasm or not?

Whether your woman experiences a clitoral, g-spot or blended orgasm her vaginal muscles contract during orgasm...and will grip your cock or fingers or fist, every time boys. There is no getting around that. If she's screaming and doing all that breathy Meg Ryan crap with the big OMG! at the end but no contractions, then she is faking it and you need to figure out why. There are a few other ways to tell, but I feel like I am now reading from some little known lesbian playbook and I am not sure I want to divulge our secrets. Any lover worth their salt knows this stuff anyway right?...and yet the female panelists confirmed that Meg's act is alive and well.

Ok, so a few precautions about glass dildos:

1. if you drop it, you must inspect it carefully for ANY small chips/cracks (obviously) - the smallest chip/crack and its trash
2. if you chill it, then make sure she knows that - this is not the kinda stuff you surprise her with (I assume we have all played with ice)
3. if you heat it, then the baby bottle method applies - nothing worse than a blistered puss
4. glass can be addicting (well, if used properly) and she might soon have a fair collection of these
5. and finally, you'd be well advised to buy yourself a nice padded sex toy case to store them all in

One other thing, size. Ok...so length is not really the end all be all with guys...its all about girth and how that motion is applied. Glass tends to run smaller than other toys on average...basically your price goes up with every .25" increment (circumference). The basic glass dildos come in 6-10" length...now just one thing to keep in mind concerning length with this particular toy...they get very slippery and you don't want to "lose" it. So just think about that when you consider anything under 7" or without a textured/bulb end. Regarding width/girth - ummm, used properly one inch diameter (most common) can be highly effective...so don't get all disappointed when you first crack open the packaging. No matter what her experience level one inch diameter should still have her twisting the sheets...if not, then assume your technique/motion is the problem.

Note: to the men in my life...spend $60 on one of these and tell me your sex life didn't get 100% better after the first week. If not, then we need to talk about things...don't be shy. All the images are links...order her one, don't let her be another statistic.