CEO battling OCD

The declining economy is creating all sorts of chaos around here for my CEO neighbors. And damn it, someone needs to kick start things again because I am ready to shove my neighbor's gas-powered blower up his ass. He's driving me crazy. Go back to work and make your millions.

I already knew he was a little unstable...battling his version of OCD. He's a developer in foreign lands and is often gone for weeks. Which is fine with me because I'd like to think his oppressed wife has her little illicit affairs during that time. She's an editor for Women's Day no less, but I've seen how he behaves around her...and honestly its on those days I am perfectly grateful I am gay...and perfectly perplexed why she hasn't figured out that if she puts a hit out on him that she gets it all - the McMansion, the cars and her freedom.

But Mr. I-Own-the-World has been home for nearly 6 weeks now. I know this because EVERY day he takes out his gas-powered blower, which is illegal here in the 90266, and starts revving it for a good 30 minutes to push all the little fallen things off his clean concrete pad.. Sometimes he does this twice a day...its insane to me. Go watch porn or something useful if you are bored out of your skull.

The environmentalist in me has been beaten back by one of my other personalities that wants to shout over the wall to just cut the fucking tree down already. I can't imagine the pure horror he faces each day realizing yet more little leaves have fallen down onto his precious patio. The sheer frustration of having to strap that gas engine to his back to blow the freakin' twenty leaves or so all the way from the back of his house to the street. Of course it doesn't stop there. No, no, no. Mr. OCD-CEO makes little piles of leaves in the street for the little leaf elves to come pick up I guess. Little piles...and when he's feeling especially OCD and jovial he'll go to your house and make a stack of little leaf piles in front of your house too. I like to drive over them and scatter them into the wind again.

He then rolls out his hose and uses another 300 gallons to wash down the streets surrounding his McMansion. No, not his driveway - the two main streets (since every good CEO lives on a corner lot). He doesn't just wash the street around his property, but pushes all the debris with his hose toward his neighbors house creating little sinkholes because the City still hasn't figured out how to level the street so the water flows to the sewer. Mind you, this is on top of the 200 gallons of water for his automated irrigation and misting systems.

This is when the environmentalist in me roars back at those other personalities and thinks that perhaps the water police need to swing by and issue a citation or perhaps someone needs to swap out his luscious greenery for more drought-resistant flora...or rocks.

It might seem like I am ranting about nothing...the angry neighbor girl, but 42-days of listening to his blower is driving me nuts. No, I don't care for him as a person. I don't like the way he talks to his wife or daughters. He treated his dogs so poorly that I nearly jumped the wall one day to save his new purebred pug...and regretted weeks later when I didn't because he paid his maid to take it away. Apparently the pug didn't like him either and had taken to peeing on the dining table whenever he was home. I have no idea what happen to his two beasts before the pug. All I know is one day the snorting on the other side of the wall stopped...I never once saw those dogs outside of their 4" x 50" dog prison.

The more I think about my neighbor the more annoyed I get though. He's the epitome of a what I have always thought CEOs were like at home....overbearing men seeking endless avenues of control. I don't want to be angry with him, but I also cannot comprehend the daily need to blow leaves. This is what Barack is talking about...employing people with time on their hands to volunteer...I elect my neighbor to be the first CEO guinea pig for that experiment. Geez, you know what i just thought? If he's this aggravated over the slowing economy how is he going to be when Obama levels his household with real taxes - he flys way above that over $250k/yr bracket. Crap...he'll probably buy a trimmer.